EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my sisters under your porch take her home
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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