you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
