If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
