I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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