Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
