I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
