I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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