The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
