I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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