Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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