i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
