We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
