she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
