and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
