I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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