Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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