I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
