When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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