Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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