I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
