they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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