I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
