I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
