i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
