I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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