Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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