She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
