Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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