what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
