too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
