he shaved USA in his pubs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
