maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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