I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
