I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
