I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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