CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
