Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
