Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
