We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
