please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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