Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
