he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
