i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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