2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
