girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
