3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
