he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
