Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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