its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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