bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
