I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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