I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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