We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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