I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
