But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
