then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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