I just threw up on my dentist
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
