i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
