so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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