i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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