so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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