You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
