I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pooping to opera.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
