I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My balls are so social today.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
