so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
