She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
