only if we run a train.
done.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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